I'm not Blind, you know
by carshaa
Summary: REPOSTED! Ginny just wanted to be loved. And she was betrayed twice. Here's how she got through it : she didn't.


You probably didn't know this; but I saw you.

I saw you both.

I watched, silently as you two kissed for the first time  
I watched as you discovered the wonders of a naked, human body.  
The wonders I never experienced.

I watched in the corner of the library.

Waiting.

Crying.

Hurting.

Aching.

My heart was filled with anger and pain as you moaned.

Your hands were tangled in his hair; they looked so pale against the deep red colour.

Oh how my heart was aching. The pain was radiating from my heart to the rest of my body.

I thought I was dying from the sheer agony of wanting to be in his place.

My heart was already torn into a million pieces as you two stopped.

Then you just hugged, smiled and left the room, holding hands.

Together.

I felt weak. I felt sick.

My head was spinning and I was getting dizzy.  
And when I touched my face I noticed that it was completely wet from tears.

Then I broke down.

Because of you, my loved one.

I cried for the unjust of the situation, and the agony of a broken heart.

I rose up, and accidentally smashed a lantern to the floor.

Pieces of glass filled the floor.

Several pieces landed beside my feet, tempting me.

And temptation won.

I took one of them and I settled down by a bookcase.  
I curled up, in a foetus position, to block passers view.

I was so full of despair that I didn't even care to start carefully.

So I just pressed it against my forearm and begged for relief.

As I saw the blood flow I knew this was dangerous, but still I kept on until I got dizzy and my thoughts started to drift away.

"Peace" I thought with a smile on my pale lips.

Suddenly, in my state of dizziness, I regretted this decision.  
I could've just given life one more chance. Now its too late, I thought as I felt the unmistakable death near.

Suddenly something unexpected happened.

I felt strong arms carry me away, but I wasn't sure if it just was a dream.

The arms were so comforting and I felt a kiss being placed on my forehead, gently.

Ever so gently.

In my heart the person who was carrying me was Harry, the-boy-who-lived, but apparently was gay.

But in real life it was far from him.  
_  
In real life it was you._

You told me you loved me, you said you needed me.

_That was probably a lie._

But I needed that comfort, and I loved you for that.

I still do. And I will, always.

I thought I was saved, I thought I was safe from myself.

You brought me back, helped me through those dark times.

You gave me life again; you gave someone new to love.

_It was you._

You were so different from Harry; you were elegant, cold, but still warm.

Your looks were vice versa from Harry's.  
It was so fascinating.

Oh how I loved that almost colourless hair.

But again, I didn't receive love back. No...

Now I'm back where I was when you rescued me.  
_  
At the edge of death._

I gave life another shot, but I didn't get it from you either.

_I didn't get love._

Yes I saw you with Granger, Malfoy.  
I saw you two by the lake.

_I'm not blind you know._

Pressed against each other, like I thought _we would someday be._

You just couldn't help yourself_, eh?_  
You just fell in love, _didn't you?_

But I also fell in love, didn't that matter?  
_  
The same thing over again.  
The same damn thing.  
_  
Oh how ironic.

Virginia Weasley didn't get Malfoy or Potter.  
I didn't get love.  
But Granger and my brother got it.

Oh this just makes me sick.

I didn't want a life without love.  
This time I would succeed.  
I wasn't meant to live; that message was clear as water.

My hands were now in a horrible state, I noticed, sitting in my dormitory.

But yet, in a way I loved watching them.

To feel the scars.  
It gave me a sense of power.

_I'm in control now._

_This is not a healthy feeling I know that.  
I'm not stupid, either.  
But I don't care anymore; I'm going to end this._

So, I pressed the blade harder into my wrists.

And the familiar feeling rushes through me.  
My soul is already gone; it went the day I gave up.

It went the day you betrayed me, Draco.

So now it's just my body functioning, just an empty shell.

_It doesn't matter at all._

The thought of you, Draco remained in my mind as the blood flooded out.  
I rested my head in my hands when the loss of blood made me too dizzy to keep it straight.

I felt tears flood my cheek.

This is what I wanted, I reminded my heart.

I wanted peace; I wanted to be free from my grief.  
But still, my heart cried.

But it went still when a person entered my dormitory,  
And in a wave of despair, I didn't hesitate for a second.

I thrust the blade into my torso.

Not caring that the person at the door screamed in chock.

You would've stopped me. But this time I wouldn't be stopped, I thought and pushed the blade further now that the pain was fading away along with my life.

I gasped as the pain burst inside me; I felt blood coming up my throat.

And a tear spilled when I saw Harry look at me in pure terror and in panic.  
I saw him shout something and he knelt in front of me.

Then, for what felt was like a thousand years, you came in.  
And you looked desperate and disappointed in me.

Oh god, those eyes. Those beautiful eyes.

You fell on you knees and leaned forward.  
I felt sorrow fill my heart as I whispered "I thought you loved me."

I coughed heavily, blood appeared in my hands.

"I loved you both, but..you.. didn't.. love.." I whispered and coughed lightly.

"Me back" and then I slid away from consciousness, and faded to my lonely, miserable death.


End file.
